Genesis 16:1-6
Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had borne him no children. She had a female Egyptian servant whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said to Abram, "Behold now, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her." And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. So, after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Sarai, Abram's wife, took Hagar the Egyptian, her servant, and gave her to Abram her husband as a wife. And he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, she looked with contempt on her mistress. And Sarai said to Abram, "May the wrong done to me be on you! I gave my servant to your embrace, and when she saw that she had conceived, she looked on me with contempt. May the Lord judge between you and me!" But Abram said to Sarai, "Behold, your servant is in your power; do to her as you please." Then Sarai dealt harshly with her, and she fled from her.
They didn't have a pre-nuptial agreement. I doubt there were many occasions even for compromised because both lived for the happiness of each other, glad to yield in love at every turn. Before the Fall, our first parents didn't resort to power or expediency. They had no call for marriage counseling because they knew nothing of shame, embarrassment, bickering or quarrelling. They loved each other as God in Christ loved them. What rights they had were always at the disposal of each other, never jealously held because they knew themselves to be one flesh.
Few today believe such a marriage is ever possible.
The editors of Ladies Home Journal, commenting on marriage wrote, "Every marriage has problems. The pressures are real and never let up . . ." About marriage, Garrison Keillor says: "Marriage is a good thing. But as for the sanctity of it, you shouldn't look too closely. Every marriage has its profane moments." The documentary, "Married in America" concluded, ". . . every marriage, by definition, will experience bumpy times."
Is that so?
Marriage, we would argue, by definition is holy. God gives marriage for blessing and delight. Such marriages do exist.
We don’t say there are some perfect few people just lucky or compatible enough to have the rare fluke of the one ideal marriage in a thousand. Rather, there are many marriages where Christ is the center and substance.
In such unions, sanctity is real because the Lord's forgiveness is applied. Problems are occasions for faith in the love of Christ and are actually welcomed by couples who see the benefit of resolving whatever comes on the basis of God's Word. Unity is authentic from being joined together by God, not by power or practicality.
Sorry to say, we don't have a very good early example in Abram and Sarai.
Abram's wife, Sarai, had a heartache in her marriage. No children. A decade into their years in Canaan, and more years prior to that in marriage, but still she was childless.
Not wanting to look bad, however, Sarai holds God at fault for her barrenness and unfulfilled feelings. "The Lord has prevented me from bearing children." And so, Sarai seeks to solve the emptiness in her life by a dubious method, albeit legal in the ancient world—a form of surrogate motherhood.
She uses power which is never intended by God as the bond for marriage.
An Egyptian slave girl named Hagar is the tool under her control. Sarai then gets Abram to go along with a morally unsanctioned sexual business of obtaining a son through Hagar. The slave is twice maltreated: sexually (because "it was not to be this way from the beginning; Matt 19:8b), and then through the "legal" loss of her son.
Abram, for his part, chooses expediency. He substitutes his own common sense for God's Word. Abram is impatient with God even though he knows full well the promise of a son God had given him (Gen 15:4). Here was Abram's distortion of marriage on the flip side from Sarai's. Marriage is not an entitlement for our convenience but a gift of God for our blessing.
Waiting for a son may have been an inconvenience for Abram, but it would not invalidate God's Word. He should have remembered that.
The same is true in any of our marital tensions or even in the wreckage of a marriage. God's Word applies. Christ is our safe harbor.
The Gospel is the foundation on which those who are married can repeatedly study the love of Christ for his bride, the church, and then reflect that love.
"Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." (Eph. 5:25-27) Just so, husbands ought to love their wives.
As it happened, a son, Ishmael, was born from Hagar, but the sad price was domestic strife and tragedy. The hurt in Hagar led her to be rude and disrespectful of Sarai. Hagar acted superior now that she was pregnant which Sarai was not.
Sarai counters with an appeal to her own "sacrifice" she thinks Abram should appreciate, now blaming him for what she herself instigated.
Everybody is miserable.
Sarai wants God to act as judge in the matter (v.5) which is exactly the opposite of what they need. Abram leaves the mess to Sarai only to address it with more "power" (v.6), exactly the opposite of what they needed. Hagar is simply mistreated further, so much that she leaves altogether (v. 6), exactly the opposite of what was good for her. According to ancient law, a slave-mother was not to be banished, but Sarai made things so wretchedly horrible that she got the job done without appearing guilty.
These horrible kind of things sinful husbands and wives do lead to those blanket statements that every marriage is flawed.
Of course, if we only look at two people, even if they are notables like Abraham and Sarah, then every marriage is bleak.
But marriage is fundamentally a divine union created by God. What God has joined is a marriage made in paradise.
First it is the perfect joining of Jesus to those whom He loves and has redeemed. Christ is indeed The bridegroom (Mark 2:19-20) who regards his bride (the church) as flawless and pure. He covers her sin, pronounces her cherished, vows never to leave her, and presents her to the world perfect.
If even that mess in Canaan was healed by God's mercy, so also can our lives be.
God had a plan for Hagar sending her the angel of the Lord. Though the record of Genesis tells other episodes of household conflicts, each time the Lord remained true to His Word. One day Abraham and Sarah received the son God had promised. They named him Issac.
One day the friction and rivalry is past. In the Day of the Lord, marriage is again holy, lovely, and sweet.
In that day the beloved of Christ live for the happiness of each other. They have no call for power or pragmatism. They live by faith. The Lord has taken away their shame, embarrassment, bickering and quarrelling. God in Christ loves them, and they in turn each other.
Where is that day and happy home?
The day is today. The happy home is right here where Christ binds lives to Himself and never lets us go.
